The Person I Wanted To Be

I realize more and more every day; I'm not where I wanted to be 15 years ago (that would've made me 18 years old, for anyone wondering). I wanted to be a vocalist. I wanted to say I was a professional musician. It never happened. I would be lying if I said I wasn't missing a very important part of who I am. There were opportunities and time to work toward something I really enjoyed! There was an outlet for creativity and it would fulfill my emptiness. It filled a void and made me feel whole. There was writing, recording, live shows, and there was hope. There were like-minded friends who understood what life was like to be happy, just making music. It didn't matter if money was made. It was a passion and became more than just a hobby. It would wake me up at night, relentlessly nagging me until I got out of bed, grabbed paper and a pen, and wrote down that hook. That damn hook! The one that, if I didn't write it down, would be forgotten tomorrow and I would spend the rest of the day trying to remember. It was torture....and I loved it.

Now, there is a husband, children, and bills. LOTS of bills. I was fortunate enough to marry one of those like-minded friends. He gets me and my nerdy music jokes. He gets how I can associate almost any song with real-life happenings and he finds it genuinely funny. On the 4th of July, we sat out on our balcony with the kids, watching fireworks. I sang "Sky rockets in flight...."at that perfect moment, right before a firework went off. It was hilarious and we laughed hysterically. We do that often. We don't now how. But we recognize the slightest sounds in our surroundings that remind us of a song. Those tiny moments, rarely noticed by anyone who has never loved music as much as I, seem to help fill that same void that singing, writing, and recording filled 15 years ago. Here's to life...and finding the right song. Cheers!